enough to finally accept my role
as gracious loser
with a smile on my face.
God, did I really smile?
yes, I did.
and I meant it
when I wished her well
and I drank her appreciation
of my sudden maturity
without the requisite sweet-and-low.
I didn't even lust for her.
don't worry - I'm back to lusting now -
but then it was different
her eyes were soothing
instead of intoxicating
and I was so so content
to be still
while she moved on.
what's happening to me?
once, when I believed,
the answer was always
a comfortable distance away.
now it's close enough
to weave bright white streaks
in my hair.
now I withdraw the question
and wait.
Paul David Mena
4 November 1996
Acton, MA
